The journey of a thousand miles begins with...the perfect pair of shoes.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Dear So and So 5: The Final Frontier

Ah, cathartic Friday. How I love you. BTW, does anyone get the movie reference in the title? If you do, you're a little slice of awesome. And a nerd, but that's okay.

Dear So and So...

Dear Teenage Girls,

I see London.
I see France.

Tired of seeing your underpants,

Dear US Army,

A 50 million dollar, 5 year study on why suicide rates among the ranks has risen drastically since 9/11? REALLY? Are you kidding? I have a few theories on this and would be more than happy to give them to you for a mere 1 million. Think of the savings!


Dear Angelina Joile,

I accidentally caught your movie A Mighty Heart on the movie channel the other night. I actually thought you gave a great performance and am surprised that while you were nominated for many awards you didn't win any. I'm angry at you for making me say something nice about you. Your performance when Mariane learned of Daniel's death was heart wrenching. I'm giving you props on this, but that doesn't mean I like you. Oh no. I still think you're a home wrecking whacko (I have not forgotten about the Billy Bob Thornton days, missy), but you were great in this movie.


Dear women (myself included),

Why is it that when a woman has an affair with a married man and breaks up him and his wife we blame only her? Brad could have said no, yet he did not, but has there been any anger directed at him? Not that I have seen. I include myself in this because I should be angry at him more so than her, but I find that I'm not. Isn't that odd? I am now resolved to be incredibly angry at Brad Pitt. He was married at the time, AJ was not. Really, he was just as, if not more so, at fault than she is. Damn. I like him too.

Resolving to be angry,

Dear Brad Pitt,

You are officially on my list.

Giving you the evil eye,

Dear furbabies (all 3 of you),

Why is it that you can lay perfectly still for hours on end (HOURS!) and yet the moment it's time for me to go to bed, suddenly every part of your body must be scratched? Or your feet licked? Or your face (which is quite possibly the most disgusting sound ever)? This is really annoying and I am over it. If you can be still for 22.5 hours a day, please, try to coordinate those hours around my sleep schedule.

MIHH (but you can call my Mommy)

Dear ebay stalkers who outbid me at the last second,

Knock it off! You're getting on my last nerve and making me crazy.


Dear Pope NOT!John-Paul II,

I'm sorry I can't remember your name, but JP was Pope as long as I can remember and he's still the one I think of when I think Pope. Forgive me. That's your job, right? Anyhoodle, I'm insanely jealous that you are vacationing in the Italian Alps. Where is my chalet, in the Alps I ask? I'm sorry you fractured your wrist. I hope it wasn't your blessing arm.


Dear Guy who proposed to his girlfriend on the big screen in his underwear,

I pink puffy {heart} you. And your unbelievable array of underwear. The amount of effort you put into this proposal is mind boggling. Now cut your hair, cause it's not working. Oh, and congratulations.


Dear Glenn Beck,

You. Are. Insane. I love it.


Dear Tour de France,

21 Stages? That's just a bit excessive isn't it? I know this is France's big hurrah (aside from a World Cup Win a few years ago), but holy moly! This is going on way to long. Would you guys just give Lance the cup (or trophy or whatever it is) and be done with it? You know he's going to win and I'm getting tired of looking at bicycling every time I flip past Eurosport. It is not exciting to watch.


Dear NL,

You haven't won the All-Star Game in what, 7 years now? WHAT UP? Get yourselves together.


Ahhhh, I feel better. Run on over to Kat's, grab a button and let it out.


Kat said...

I big puffy heart Glenn Beck. Shhhh don't tell anyone.

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Exactly, what is the Army thinking??!!? They send people to war for a year at a time and wonder why they get depressed???? Duh...

Also I agree on the AJ thing. She's a home wrecker and I'm mad at BOTH of them!

Chasity said...

Every time I make up my mind to be angry at Brad Pitt, I see a picture of him. Or a movie. And I melt. I actually feel like it's the forbidden crush I must keep tucked quietly away in a closet. The man, in a nutshell, is hhhhhhhhot. Excuse me, I just got chills.

Bonita said...

I can always count on you to make me laugh!

Allison said...

You are funny :)

Ebay is difficult when you live over here - it seems all the good auctions end when it is like 2am in Germany :(

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

Loved it!!!! I love Glenn Beck, and I don't care if the whole world knows it. ;) That guy is smart--he knows what's goin' on!

Lisa said...

I knew I found a person I would enjoy reading when I read your DSS letters last week. This week, I think I found a soul mate. Not only do I pink puffy heart Glenn Beck (yet another reason Kat and I get along so damn well), but I also hate the sound of anything being licked. (part of my issue with oral (sssshhhh, don't tell my husband)) It's honestly one of the most disgusting sounds. ever.

And the mutual loathing for teenagers... yeah, let's just say I'm dreading my darling daughters becoming teenaged girls. *shudder*

Rebecka said...

The letter to Brad Pitt actually made me snort. Not quite as bad as the licking sound, I hope.

Thanks for the laugh,

Sandy said...

Who's Brad Pitt? JK....too freakin' funny today.

Mike said...

They should not even play the all star game, the home run derby should be enough!

Kimberly Wright said...

Glenn Beck is a fruit loop for sure. I love to make fun of him.

I would have an affair with Angelina Jolie. Maybe I shouldn't say that.

Anonymous said...

My husband is a high school teacher. He says on Halloween the 'costumes' the girls wear are just shy of being naked. So wrong.

Oh yeah, here from sits-Happy Saturday Sharefest!

JennyMac said...

LOVE this...LOL. Great post.

Stopping by from SITS on Saturday Sharefest. Have a great weekend.

Dreamgirl said...

I love the letters, what a great idea for a post!

Hopefully you'll have a great weekend.

Happy Saturday Sharefest to you!

Susana said...

Stopping by from SITS! Happy Saturday Sharefest:-)!!

Love this post and your blog is super cute too!


Multiple personalities.. said...

You're hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh so early in the morning! Hope you have great Saturday, and I can't wait to see your next set of "Dear So and So"s!

WhiteSockGirl aka The Fabulous Bitch said...

I saw AJ when Beyond Borders (or something like that) was shot in my country. Always was a huge fan and I almost passed out when I realized that she was actually walking in my direction (in the middle of two HUGE bodyguards).. I have never seen a more beautiful person. But I still can't forgive her for what she and Mr Pitt have done!

As for Brad Pitt,.. yeah.. He is really the one who betrayed Jennifer.

Great post!

Stopping by from SITs!

Happy Saturday Sharefest!

Donna said...

I think I need to start following cathartic friday!!!

And yes, I am a touch of a nerd- I got the reference in the title. Sigh...

Happy Sharefest Saturday!

The818 said...

This cracked me up. Consider me hooked on cathartic friday.

Happy Saturday Sharefest!

Jacquie said...

I completly agree with you on so many of these!!!

D said...

Just a comment on your letter about the All-Star game. The reason that, I believe, the A.L. has beat the N.L. all these yeras is pitching. Since the A.L.'s pitchers don't have to focus on hitting they don't have to work harder and are therefore better. I think if you saw the N.L. do away with the hitting pitchers and just go to the DH they'd finally provide some real competition for the AL. As for the person who said the home run derby should be enough let me just say that would be horrible. The fact is people like Pulous, Fielder and Howard may lead in hitting but it's because day in and day out they aren't facing quality pitching. Personally, I think the team with the best record should get home field advantage! Or how about using the averages from inter league to determine that? Anyway, just found my way over and thanks by the way, I didn't know Pope Benedict had broken his arm.

Steely Dad said...

Nicely done! Let's see, I'm not a big fan of AJ or BP. They're losers; in fact, 99% of Hollywood is made up of fictional characters we think are somehow real. But they're "invented" from what they wear, like to eat and with whom they sleep. Most people are jealous of these morons but I honestly feel sorry for them as they have lost all contact with their true identity.

Julie Link said...

you're funny! will be reading your blog! via SITS

susan said...

I LOVE it!--You might want to include anybody from Nigeria who suddenly wants to leave you money!

BonBon Rose Girls Kristin said...

Yesssssssssss, Angelina makes me say nice things about her clothes sometimes much to my dismay. She does rock the heck outta some Loubies!

Julia @ Hooked on Houses said...

Oh, my gosh, you are hilarious. This made me laugh out loud. And I love that you put Brad Pitt on notice. Ha.

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