Wednesday, July 15, 2009

KitKats and Fuel

I was originally going to title this KitKats and Gas, but I was afraid you'd think I meant that KitKats caused gas and would not read it. I changed it to fuel just to avoid confusion.
Today I had to go to the PX to put money on our fuel card because Ulrika was running on fumes and desperately needed some petrol. Fuel is crazy expensive in Europe, which stinks for people who have to pay the full price (and one of the reasons they have such a kick ass and relatively inexpensive public transportion system). The American gov't has worked out some sort of deal with the German gov't to get us fuel much cheaper than on the economy. We have to use either on post stations or Esso stations. We know them as Exxon in the states. For an interesting bit of trivia on how Esso became Exxon, click here. But not just yet, I've got a story to tell!
We have to put money on our fuel cards (fuel is rationed BTW and Ulrika gets 400L a month which is right about 100 gallons) and then go to the local Esso, pump the fuel, swipe our card, punch in our pin number and it deducts the amount we bought from the prepaid amount. If you pumped more than you have money for, you go in the negative and have to put money on the card to bring it back to black. This is seriously frowned upon, but everybody does it.
So, I go to the Esso and do what I need to and as I'm walking out, I spot something that causes my heart to skip a little. No, not the incredibly explicit magazines (Germans are all about breasts, let me tell you-they are everywhere), but a KitKat Dark. Dark. Now how is a girl to resist that? I'll tell you, she's not. It was .69 Euro Cents which with the current exchange rate (which is terrible) is exactly $1. Oh, yeah! I plopped my 1 Euro coin onto the counter, got my change and practically ran back to Ulrika. I could not wait! KitKat Dark! Two of my favorite things in the world put together! Together!!!!



I'd love to show you what the actual KitKat looks like, but I totally ate it something happened to it on the way home. I'm not exactly sure what, but somehow it didn't make it to the photo shoot. Okay, honestly, it was freaking delicious. I may have cried.


I thought you might find it interesting to have a look at a fuel receipt so you can see what it would cost vs. what we actually paid. Here's the receipt:


Circled in green is the kind of fuel I got (Super Unleaded).

In yellow is how many liters I got (38.11 liters=9.62 gallons) and how much it cost per liter (1.279 Euro/litre=$7.14/gallon). Prices in the US aren't looking so bad right now are they?

In blue is how much the 38.11 liters cost in Euro. (48.74=$68.72 For 9.62 gallons of gas!)

In red is how much I paid with my Esso card. $29.64, which is $3.08/gallon. Way better than $7.14/gallon.





Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Bum-pa-da-bum! Random Thoughts Tuesday!

I lurve me some RTT! Woot! Woot! Are you ready (to rumble)?

randomtuesday

*I'm in a goofy mood today. I have no idea why.

*Last Friday sucked. I can't explain why on the internet, but take my word for it. Sucked. Big time.

*Germans like scented toilet paper. Why? No idea. We were low on TP the other day and I was going to the German market so I decided to pick some up there instead of driving all the way to the Commissary and getting it. Apparently Germans only sell HUGE packages of TP. The smallest I found was an 8 pack. Smallest. It's also crazy thick (but soft) and smells like roses. Odd. Oh, they're also into 4 ply here. Maybe that's why it's so soft?

*My house looks like a tornado came through and had little tornado babies. What happened, you ask? M had to go TDY for 2 weeks and was packing last night. He always leave a mess in his wake when he goes away. Who gets to clean it up? Yeah, that'd be me. Hurrah.

*I'm not worried about telling you that M is gone for 2 weeks. I live behind a huge fence, with armed gate guards. Sounds fancy, huh? It's totally not. Also, I live on the top floor of my building (it's a walk up) and have 3 very yippy dogs who are usually friendly, but are very protective and will eat you from the ankles up if you get to close to their mommy. Besides, once someone gets up all those stairs, they'd be too tired to do anything other than sit down and rest.

*I find the ham in the RTT logo disturbing.

*I went to the gym today and set up an appointment with a personal trainer. Have I gone insane?

*More Monopoly money is printed every year than actual currency printed throughout the world. Strange, huh?

*Happy Bastille Day. Did you even know? I'll bet not.

*5 dogs and 1 pig were rescued from the Titanic.

*I wish I had some ice cream. I'm not a big ice cream fan, but I could go for some right now.

*I'm avoiding my housework.

*I need to paint my toenails.

*Pepper is laying on the sofa next to me and is snoring so loudly it keeps making me giggle. If you didn't know it was dog, you'd think a 200lb man was making the noise.

*I love the show My Boys.

*Indy is at summer camp!!!!!! I am all alone in the house until 6pm. It's crazy quiet.

*A duck's quack doesn't echo. How's THAT for random?


I wish you all a lovely Tuesday. Head over to The Un Mom for all the ooey-gooey random goodness.


Sunday, July 12, 2009

Sangria is the devil. Sweet, delicious devil. Or: Oh my aching head

Yesterday was M's "Brofriend's" birthday. He's the guy M went to Verdun and Bastogne with over the Memorial Day weekend and got up to all sorts of shenanigans, including going off the marked path in Verdun which is a big no-no as there are still unexploded ordinances left over from WWI all over the place. I'm amazed they made it home in one piece.
Anyhoo, we went over to their house (they live in our building, but in the other stairwell) for dinner and cake (seriously, they had me at cake). They are red wine drinkers. Serious red wine drinkers. They know stuff about it. I find it all very confusing, but am trying to learn a little. I am not a fan of red wine. Thanks to them, I've tried tons. TONS. S (the birthday boy) is on a mission to find a red that I will like. So far, not so much. He's come up with a few that I don't mind, but not something I'd actually choose to drink. I'm a white wine girl. I prefer the sweeter ones. I love a good Riesling or Gewurstraminer. My favorite white is an ice wine (or Eiswein), which is made from grapes that are picked while frozen on the vines. Oh, man is it good. Also, crazy expensive. Figures, huh? Hold on, sorry, back to my story.
We ate dinner on Iron Man plates (cause we're cool like that and the birthday boy was a big IM fan growing up) and S broke open 3 bottles of wine. I tried them all (including the one we gave him as a gift-a red from the Umbrian region of Italy), but just wasn't feeling them. M has learned to really like reds from hanging out with them and helped S down the bottles. A (his wife) drank a few glasses of red, but decided to break out the Sangria she had made several hours earlier. Now we were talking! Red, I'm not so crazy about, but turn some into Sangria and I'm with you! This pitcher was HUGE. Like Kool-Aid Man huge. And delicious. The thing about a good Sangria is that you don't realize you're drinking alcohol and you just keep drinking. A also adds spiced rum to her Sangria making it extra potent. After M and S had finished off the 3 bottles of wine, he switched over to Sangria (there was a little less than half the pitcher left). We were feeling it. Thank goodness we only had to walk across the top floor of the building. We got Indy to bed (miraculously) and managed to take the dogs out before crawling into bed.
I awoke this morning (thanks to Indy) to a slightly pounding head. And by slightly, I mean it felt like a marching band was practicing inside my skull. Heck, it might have even been a whole parade. So not cool. I haven't felt like this since college. Oh, Sangria, you are sweet and delicious, but you are a bad friend. A bad, bad friend that I will see again (soon) even though I know I shouldn't.
It is 10 am here and I'd like to point out that M is still in bed. He rolled over when I got up and mumbled something that I couldn't quite understand and went back to sleep. He was probably telling me to make sure I take my happy pills.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Crickets and a small case of the crazies

Yesterday M, Indy and I were in the car going to deal with getting our driver's licenses renewed. Here's a conversation we had.

Me: You know what I realized yesterday?
M: There's no telling.
Me: I haven't taken my happy pills in like a month.
M: Ahhhhhhh.
Me: What does that mean?
M: I suspected...but I was...afraid to say anything.
Me: What? Why?
M: What, what?
Me: Why did you suspect I haven't been taking them?
***Crickets***
Me: Tell me!
M: Well,....you've been a little...um..
Me: A little what? A little what?
M: Um...high strung lately?
Me: What? What do you mean "high strung?"
Indy: Crazy, Mom. He thinks you've been acting crazy.
Me: WHAT?
M: You are not helping, buddy. Zip it.
Indy (quietly): Well you thought it, not me.
Me: You've think I've been acting crazy?
M: Noooooooo {turns and gives Indy the evil eye} I don't think you're crazy, I can just tell that you're a bit...more stressed out than usual.
Indy (very quietly): Craaaaazzzzyyyyyy.
M: I do not!
Me: Do you?
M: No! No, I don't. Gah! You two are making ME crazy.


Today I was cleaning the kitchen (stupid house, I'm still mad at you for not cleaning yourself!) and grumbling to myself.

M: Did you take your happy pills today?
Me: WHAT? What does that mean?
M: Nothing, I was just...wondering.
Me: Why? Because I'm griping about having to clean the kitchen.
M: So does that mean you're not in the mood for a big old slice of me?
***Crickets***

A little while later, I'm still cleaning the kitchen and called M to tell him something I'd just remembered, but he didn't answer. I walked through the house carrying a glass jar I was in the middle of cleaning only to discover he wasn't in the house. I walked up stairs to the "man cave", still carrying the jar, and found him watching TV.

Me (very calmly): What are you doing?
M: Watching TV.
Me: So, you just came up here?
M: Well, yeah. You seemed a little irritable.
Me: And what part of leaving me alone to deal with the house did you think was a good idea?
***Crickets***


Happy pills, BTW, are a "mood enhancing" prescription that I take for anxiety. Not because I'm crazy. I tend to get really stressed out and the pills help keep me level. Apparently, I've not been "level" lately. I'm back on them though and will be my normal happy self in no time.


Friday, July 10, 2009

Dear So and So IV: A New Hope

Dear So and So...

Ahhhhh, Friday! Friday! Greatest day of the week for many. For SAHM's (and SAHD's) it's really kind of like any other day. Meh. It really takes away from the whole TGIF thing when the next day will be pretty much the same. When I worked, I loved Fridays because it meant the weekend and a a break. There are no breaks for SAHP's (how's that? Stay at home parent! All encompassing. I rule). Thanks to Kat though, I now have something to make Friday's a day to look forward to again.

Dear Media,

PLEASE let the Michael Jackson thing go. For the love of all that is holy, I don't care anymore. Enough with constant coverage. Why is he still the top story? Let the man rest in peace and quit giving the fame whores what they want.

Pissed off,
MIHH


Dear Levi Johnston,

You are a fame whore. Please go hawk your wares elsewhere. I do not need to see your face prominently displayed on the front page of Yahoo!

Not buying,
MIHH


Dear House,

Really? Really? You haven't cleaned yourself YET? This is getting really old. You need to get your act together or I'm going to have to take drastic measures. I'm not sure what they'll be, but I'm going to take them. Even if it means hiring a hausfrau (which I desperately want, but M is opposed to since I don't have a "real job."

Irritably,
MIHH


Dear M,

I assure you taking care of your child and 3 dogs is a "real job." IN fact, even when I had a real job, I still took care of the boy and the dogs.

PMSingly yours,
MIHH


Dear body,

You can only claim jet lag for so long. I know you're tired and grumpy, but you jet lag only lasts about a week and a half. Find a real reason.

Tiredly,
MIHH


Dear Wind,

In case you haven't noticed I recently chopped off my hair and I can no longer pull it back in a pony tail. This is making it very difficult for me to see. I would really appreciate it if you would quit blowing so hard. Blustery days are for October, not July.

Blinded,
MIHH


Dear feet,

Walking 2 miles should NOT make you hurt this much. You've walked much, much further than this, so why the pain today?

Achingly,
MIHH


Ah, that's all I've got for now. I'm really tired. I didn't sleep well last night. Maybe I'll take a nap and can come up with a few more.

Now go join the fun over at Kat's.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Entschuldigung!

That's what you say when you bump into someone/need to move past someone/someone is in your way/you're sorry/etc, etc, in Germany. Quite a mouthful, huh? Entschuldigung (int-shool-dee-goong). Try getting your 6 year old to say that. It comes out something more like imschoolingoon or imshuvengoo.
Anyway, what am I apologizing for? I've been a bad blogger. Lately I've been lacking in inspiration and motivation. Maybe it's just summer lethargy? Maybe it's just because there's no big holidays to prep for (unless you count Indy's b-day, and believe me he does, which is bearing down upon me fast).
Here's a little something to keep you entertained though it has no real purpose other than I need to tell someone about it!!!!!!

I stopped at McDonald's today for lunch (oh hush, McD's in Germany is freaking delicious) and there was a guy in there that made me wish I could take photos on my camera and send them to my email. I'm sure I can, but I don't know how over here and just making a phone call is crazy expensive, so who knows what it would cost for picture messages. Anyway, I'll paint you a picture. Ready? Close your eyes and, no wait, you can't read if you do that. Never mind. He was about 5'10 and slightly chubby around the middle. Not in the beer belly way, but in the 'I've had one too many schnitzels or bowls of pasta' way. Not fat, just chubby around the middle. He looked very Mediterranean, with dark brown skin, jet black hair that he had slicked back (it was very shiny) and hairy arms and chest(you're wondering how I know that, right? Wait a minute). It was hard to determine his age,but I'd put him in the mid 40's range. He was wearing jeans that looked like they were painted on him with a white leather belt and a HUGE belt buckle that was bordered in rhinestones. Fancy, huh? It gets better. He was wearing a white silky shirt that was tight and open to about the middle of his chest (and that's how I knew about the chest hair) and 3 gold chains, one with a medalion bordered in rhinestones (I don't think they were diamonds). He also had on a pinky ring. Completing this ensemble though was my favorite part. Are you ready? Sure? Picturing what I described above? Okay, add to all that awesomeness a pair of white, crocodile print leather ankle boots. WHITE. ANKLE. BOOTS. You know you'd want a big old slice of that. I'm sorry I don't have an actual photo for you.




Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Do you know what day it is? RTT!!!!!

Woot! Woot! Tuesday! Tuesday! Oh yeah, baby, time to empty the randomness that rattles around in my brain. It's Random Thoughts Tuesday! Let the madness begin!

randomtuesday

*I wish I could blame my weight issues on a thyroid condition. Stupid working thyroid.

*Do you ever think maybe you were a twin but ate the other one in the womb?

*I need to go to the gym.

*My house has not cleaned itself yet. WTF?

*Did swine flu make some sort of comeback? I didn't hear about it for a long time, and now it seems to be everywhere.

*I went to IKEA yesterday! Oh, how I missed it. I can't wait for the new fall stuff to start arriving. It makes me so happy. Plus, they had an awesome vegetable cous cous dish in the restaurant yesterday. Yummy!

*I get crazy excited when there are lots of comments on my facebook updates.

*I can't tell you my FB address because it has my real name on it.

*Bob Green's hair is so weird.

*I need to paint my bedroom, but am lacking in motivation. It's so....white though. It hurts my eyes.

*Our Army needs snazzier hats. The berets are so boring. We should get some of those saucy little caps the Scots wear. It's called a Glengarry and have a ribbon hanging down the back and a pompom on top. Or a Tam O'Shanter, which is a type of bonnet (not a woman's bonnet, but kind of like the beret only fluffier) and has either a pompom on top or a plume on the side. How awesome would that be?

*I so need to go see Public Enemies. Johnny is going to think I don't care. I care, Johnny! I care.

*I have so much to do for Indy's b-day party isn't not funny. Am I working on it? Nope. Mostly because the packages I shipped from the US haven't arrived yet. Still, I need to make the invites, work on the journals to go in the goodie bags, come up with the games and get refrigerator boxes for the tunnels. Actually, I did go to inquire about large boxes at our furniture store the other day. Sadly, I got there 1 hour after they crushed all their big boxes. Great. They promised to put back some for me though. Keep your fingers crossed.

* We got our a/c's in 2 weeks ago and now it has cooled off. Nice, huh? The high today is supposed to be in the mid-60's. Will dh turn off the a/c's though? Nope. It's like a meat locker in here. Indy and I had to put on hoodies this morning.

*Why can't my dogs learn to use the toilet? My life would be so much easier if they did.

Head over to The UnMom and relish the randomness!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Chopping it off again

You may remember a few months ago when I had about 8 inches of my hair cut off. Well, while I was in the States, it was soooooo hot, I couldn't stand it and I chopped off even more. I've never had my hair this short since I was a child and my mom got tired of my crying when she brushed it. I like it, but it still feels weird. What do you think?



Friday, July 3, 2009

Dear So and So Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith

Man, what am I going to do when I run out of numbered titles from movies?

Dear So and So...


Dear plants/garden/flower beds,

Why do you need so much attention? Isn't it enough that I planted you? Do you really need to be watered too? AND pruned AND weeded? Why are you so needy? Can't you just grow? I mean really, plants have been doing it for millions of years without any human tending them. Take a leaf (get it?) from their book and just grow already.

Black thumbed and tired,
MIHH


Dear Mr. Linky,

Why don't you work right? It's so much more difficult to navigate through comments and find people's links than to just click on your super cool link thingy. Blogging people don't like change. We just want to click and go. Get your act together Mr. Linky or someone (clearly not me) may have to invent a Mr. Better Linky.

Frustrated,
MIHH


Dear House,

Clean yourself up! It's disgusting in here and I'm tired of looking at it. How did you let yourself get this way. Have some pride. Get your act together.

Disgusted,
MIHH


Dear Laundry,

Please see the above letter to House. You're part of the problem. Please do something with yourself. Preferably clean, dry and fold yourself. I'm running out of clothes.

Wearing my jeans again,
MIHH


Dear Dishes,

Please see above letters to House and Laundry. The dishwasher is right there! For Pete's sake, just hop on over, would you?

Going to have to resort to planet destroying paper plates,
MIHH



Dear Teen Girls in super short shorts,

I know you think it's sexy, but really, if you could see yourself from behind, you'd run screaming for something slightly longer. Even if you're super skinny (and not a lot of you are), I have no desire to see your ass cheeks hanging out the bottom of your shorts.

Grossed out,
MIHH


Dear Teen Girls who are trying really hard to look like KStew in Twilight,

It's not really working. You just look dirty and unkempt. She has stylists who make her look like that. Brush your hair and quit looking so angry at the world. What have you got to be angry about? I was a teen girl once and I can't think of a single thing that was so horrible I had to walk around with a constant sneer on my face. Wait until you join the real world. Plus, if you're trying to attract a guy like Edward/RPattz, I'm fairly certain he'd go for a girl who actually showers. And probably one who wears gorgeous high heels. I'm just saying. ( RPattz, call me).

Annoyed,
MIHH


Dear Weather,

You still suck.

Humidly,
MIHH


Dear Target,

I know it's only been 3 days since I last walked your clean, neatly organized aisles (yes, we stopped at Target on the way to the airport so I could get one more fix), but I miss you already.

Longingly,
MIHH


Dear You (you know who you are),

You have disappointed me.

Sadly,
MIHH

Dear Facebook,

Please stop suggesting weird people for me to be friends with. It scares me and makes me wonder who you're suggesting me to. Not that I'm weird (obviously), but still, I don't want my photo shown to random people who you think might like me.
You're also a time sucker, but I love that you let me keep in touch with my friends.

Facebook junkie,
MIHH (not my facebook name)


Dear Johnny Depp,

I know we have something special, but you've got to give me some space. M is getting suspicious. I'll call you when I can.

Delusionally,
MIHH

Dear America,

Happy Birthday a day early. I may gripe and moan about you (it is my right as an American after all) and I may live in another country, but I wouldn't like to be from any other country in the world. You're awesome.

Patriotically,
MIHH


Thursday, July 2, 2009

Mailing stuff: an experiment in insanity

So, we had way too much stuff to bring back to Germany after our month of adventures in the US and had to ship some of it. Are you shocked? Yeah, me neither. Most of the stuff was for Indy's big b-day party, coming up at the end of this month. I did have other stuff, but mostly it was for the party. My suitcases were packed to the brim and I had no room for 3 pairs of shoes. WHAT? Oh noes!!!! I decided to pack them in the boxes to be shipped and insure them out the wazoo. It cost me $95 to ship and insure 2 boxes. The guy at the counter looked at the price I had written on the customs form for my shoes and asked if I was sure about the amount. I looked at him and asked if I looked like a girl who wore cheap shoes. He carried on without further comment. Men.

One of the things I shipped was an apothecary jar. Yes, yes, I know it's insane and the odds are ridiculously low that it will arrive in one piece, but we can always hope. Here's the process I went through to pack it.

First, I filled it with a ton of those biodegradable noodles made from cornstarch. Why? Well, because I had to ship them too, so why not? Besides, don't they look pretty? Then I wrap, wrap, wrapped it with clear packing tape. This will give it a bit of strength (seems logical, right?) and if it does break, the tape will keep all the little pieces from getting everywhere. You're following all this aren't you?



I also did the top. While I was wrapping it with tape, I told Johnny Depp that while I adore him nibbling on my ears and kissing the back of my neck, it's very distracting and I wanted to make sure I get every square inch. I told him I'd be done in a moment give him my full attention then. Hey, I think this apothecary jar will arrive in one piece, so why not go full on fantasy and throw in Johnny Depp?


After I taped it all up, I wrapped it in paper and then roll it up in the fabric I bought to make Indiana Jones style goodie bags and leather bound journals for Indy's b-day party.


I then stuffed both bundles into their own TJMaxx "IT" bag that I got for free when I shopped there. I was planning on leaving them with my mom, but then decided to bring them back to Germany and carry them everywhere in the hopes that it will pique the German's curiosity and they will lobby their government to bring TJMaxx to the motherland. Johnny agrees that this is totally reasonable. The German government probably has nothing better to do anyway. Oh, Johnny! You're so funny.


I placed both bags in a huge box filled with bones, skulls, spiders, snakes (fake of course), scary masks and other such insanity. Aren't you dying to see how this party plays out? Yeah, me too. Johnny says it's going to be awesome, but wonders why we aren't doing a Pirates of the Carribean party. I told him we've done 2 pirate parties already, including a cake that he, as Cpt. Jack Sparrow, featured prominently on and unless he's willing to make a personal appearance, Indy wants to go with IJ this year. He said he understood and wanted to know when I would be done with all this silly packing and come cuddle on the sofa.


I closed the box, taped it well and took it to the post office. I'll let you know what happens when the box gets here. In the mean time, I've got to keep Johnny busy.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Random...Thoughts...Tuesday Wednesday?

It's so random it's not even on Tuesday! Haha! Top that other randomers!

randomtuesday


*I lost a whole day to travel.

*Sitting in front of the bathrooms on a plane sucks is not the most fun place to be for 9.5 hours.

*Man, I envy people who can sleep on planes.

*Seize opportunity by the beard, for it is bald behind.-Bulgarian Proverb

*Why do people feel the need to stand right up against the baggage claim conveyor belt? It makes it difficult to see and it's not like the bag is going to go anywhere but around and around on the carousel.

*There is no food in the house. That means I have to go to the commissary. Blech. Oh, and Aldi! I love Aldi.

*I read somewhere that when you throw dice (meaning 2) the opposite side (facing down) always adds up to 7. Think that's true? I may have to experiment.

*Is it really July?

*Walk Disney was afraid of mice. How's that for irony?

*I could fall asleep right this second, but I'm trying to stay awake to beat the jet lag. So not going to happen, but I'm soldiering on.

*I think the heat is following me. It was ridiculously hot in AL, FL, DC, and then there was a heat wave in Chicago while I was there. Now that I'm back in Germany, it's the hottest day of the year so far. WTF?

*Indy is so happy to be home he can barely sit still. He's already visited a bunch of his friends. They all missed each other so much.

*I had to clean the bathroom when I got home. Why can't men keep a clean bathroom?

*I can't...think...straight...anymore............





Sunday, June 28, 2009

P.S.

Clearly I did not write enough letters for Friday's Dear So and So. I'll be adding a PS this week.

Dear GPS,
I will never, ever, ever take you for granted again. Seriously. I had to drive the streets of Chicago with written directions! Written! I felt like I was living in the stone age. I just needed Barney to hop in the car and help me push with his feet.
I'm amazed that we got anywhere before the GPS. I now bow down to the awesomeness that is my GPS and promise to never (okay, maybe occasionally, let's keep it real) gripe again about how you often take me on crazy routes or the fact that you don't have the exact street number I'm looking for. It's probably the manufacturer's fault anyway.
I did in fact survive the drive (as evidenced by the fact that I'm typing these letters) and did not get lost, but I do NOT want to do it again. Who knew street signs were so hard to see?

Directionally Yours,
MIHH


Dear idiots who run the airports,

No free WiFi? Are you kidding me? I am so not giving my cc number to a site called boing boing (whoever thought that up should be smacked soundly about the head and shoulders-possibly with a wet noodle) so I can surf the web while I wait. $9.95 per airport? Um, no.

Cheaply,
MIHH


Dear people on the plane who turn their phones on immediately upon landing,

Are you really that important? REALLY? Couldn't it wait until we deplaned (one of the coolest words ever)? I do not need to overhear you telling your friend/coworker/significant other how you almost hurled during take off. Honestly, I could go all day without thinking about that. Please, do us all a favor and just wait until we've deplaned (twice in one post!).

Sickened,
MIHH


Dear really wired guy on my plane,

Do you honestly need 2 blackberries, a phone AND an iPhone? I'm sure you think it makes you look uber cool, but trust me, it does not. It makes you look like a tool. Actually, you are a tool. Accept it. Also, when you turn on all of your wireless thingies, you might think about turning the sound off on the buttons, because I came perilously close to grabbing it out of your hand and hurling it down the aisle. Beep, beep, beepity, beep, beep, beep for 10 minutes is ANNOYING. I know you had to check the hundreds of super important messages face book sent you regarding comments on your status (Getting on a plane), but for the love of all that is holy, turn off the freaking sound on the buttons before I turn into a raving madwoman and shove it so far up a certain orifice that your teeth will vibrate when it rings. From all the eye rolling and heavy sighing pointed in his direction I could tell I was not the only one annoyed by this.

Courteously,
MIHH


Dear Atlanta Hartsfield International Airport,

Bite Me. I hate you.

Affectionately,
MIHH


Dear people who elect not to bathe before flying,

I hate you. Everyone on the plane hates you. We look at you that way because you smell. If you showered, we'd probably all be smiling at you. Well, maybe not. We are flying after all and no one is happy when they fly unless they've had a few cocktails, but at least we wouldn't be giving you the evil eye.
If you happen to sit next to me, please do not be offended if I whip out a small bottle of perfume and begin spraying it in your general direction. And I won't even wait until you're asleep like my friend B did on the flight back from Ireland. I nearly cried I was laughing so hard when she told me this story. I will never be able to look at a bottle of Clinique Happy again without thinking of her spraying down an unsuspecting man on an airplane. Awesome. I use Philosophy's Amazing Grace, so be prepared to smell super pretty should you sit by me. I get lots of compliments on how nice I smell, so you should feel priviledged. It would be better for eveyone though if you just showered.

Sweetly,
MIHH

Oh man, do I feel better! I cannot thank Kat enough for this. I don't have enough to make a full blog post, but by putting my thoughts into letter form I can get them all in at once. Seriously, I cannot wait until next Friday when I can dump all my other complaints!



Friday, June 26, 2009

Dear So and So 2:Electic Boogaloo

Dear So and So...

I have been looking forward to this day all week and now I can't remember a single gripe I had. Drat. Let me think. Oh, yeah, I've got plenty just from yesterday and this morning! Here we go!

Dear TV/Radio Stations, Newspapers, Media-in-general,

Yes, it is very sad that Michael Jackson passed away. He was a great artist. He sold a gazillion records (maybe I should call them albums since they're not really records anymore?). He had a wacky, weird life. However, my world will NOT change and I don't need to watch/hear/read 24 hour coverage of how sad the "real" fans are. Could we please find something else to talk about? Like, oh, I don't know, maybe North Korea? Soldiers dying in Iraq and Afghanistan? Iran? I'm just sayin.

Heartless,
MIHH


Dear John Mayer,

A major strand of our cultural DNA has left us? Ugh. You are a tool. I'm glad you and Jen are no longer.

Annoyed,
MIHH


Dear hangers-on, former celebs, and wanna-be's,

Please crawl back to the underbelly from whence you came. Michael Jackson's death is not your opportunity to be on TV/radio expounding on how much you loved him/how well you knew him even though you hadn't talked in X number of year/how close you were to the family. You are tools as well. Go away.

Seriously annoyed,
MIHH


Dear Farrah Fawcett,

I feel bad that your passing has been eclipsed and you are not getting the kind of attention you would have had MJ not passed on the same day.

RIP,
MIHH


Dear Weather,

You suck.

Sweatily,
MIHH


Dear Peanut Butter commercials,

Please stop making me feel bad because I don't have those "special" moments over a PB&J sandwich. I realize that PB&J is a huge part of the average kid's diet (though Indy hates Jelly), but it is possible to bond over something other than food. Also, you're still advocating white bread? Really? Have you looked at the average overweight child lately?

Peanut Butter hater,
MIHH


Dear body/brain,

You KNOW that sinfully delicious 10 layer dark chocolate cake with raspberry coulis is not good for you. KNOW IT. Please stop craving it. It will go straight to the hips/ass area and no one wants that. I don't care how good it is, it's not worth the 800 hours on treadmill it will take to work it off (along will all the chocolate cake that currently resides there). I cut my hair off because it was annoying me and not behaving. Take that as a lesson.

Hungrily,
MIHH


Dear Rhode Island,

You're seriously thinking of changing your name? Do your politicians have nothing better to do with their time than work on pushing through a bill that that is undoubtedly using up thousands of tax payer dollars and no one really cares about? Just because your full name has the word "plantations" in it (did you know that reader? It is officially the State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations) does not mean it evokes thoughts of slavery. Good grief. Learn your own freaking history.

Eye-rollingly yours,
MIHH


Dear Kat,

Thank you so much for starting this. It's very cathartic. I am insanely jealous though that you're too busy roaming the English country side to participate.

Enviously,
MIHH



Ahhhhhh, I feel much better! Don't you? Hop on over to 3 Bedroom Bungalow and read all the letters.



Thursday, June 25, 2009

One More Reason to LOVE Johnny Depp

One more reason to love Johnny Depp (not that I need one). He was in Chicago last week (I knew I should have come to town last week) and after spending many hours at a restaurant with cast members from his new movie Public Enemies (I am so going to see this), he left a four thousand dollar tip for the server. You can read the full story (as well as see a few yummy photos) here.

http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/access-hollywood-johnny-depp-tip.html

I love Edward Cullen, but Johnny Depp will always be number 1 on my "list."

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Twilighty Goodness

Having fun with my peeps, but still found some time to blog. See how much I love and adore my sweet readers? Yes, you! You all know my sick adoration, obsession, mania love for Twilight. Here is something to keep you entertained while I'm enjoying the Windy City.

I've never seen HS Musical, but am familiar enough to find this Twilight Parody awesome.



I like this one a lot, except for the end.



And because it deserves to be seen again (and again and again and again):



Mmmmmmmm.........Edward.

Random Thoughts Tuesday: The one I almost missed

randomtuesday

Holy @#$% I almost missed RTT! What? How could this happen? Flying. That's how.

*I flew to Chicago today. Hurrah!

*My first flight was almost 2 hours late and I ended up with a 9 minute layover. I (along with 6 other people bound for Chicago from my first flight) ran through the terminal from Gate B4 to Gate B33. We got there just prior to the door closing. Whew!

*Why can't they open the door of an aircraft after it's closed? I mean it doesn't hermetically seal once it's closed. Why not open it back up and let a late passenger on? That's just silly.

*Most of the people on my first flight missed their connection. I feel bad for them, but was glad I was not among their ranks.

*I feel ridiculously sad when I lose a follower. Isn't that odd? It wonder, did I do something wrong? Do they not like me anymore? Validate me! Validate me!

*Man, I'm sad.

*Indy lost a tooth this morning. The tooth fairy has to visit courtesy of Gigi tonight. Haha!

*It's hot in Chicago too! What the?????

*There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. I don't know what they are though. I just know the number.

*Every time you lick a stamp you gain 1/10 of a calorie. I KNEW that's why I was gaining weight! KNEW IT!

*Cobbling together an Indiana Jones birthday party is hard. Why couldn't he have wanted an IJ party LAST year when it was everywhere? I'm driving myself batty (or rather snakey) trying to pull this off. His b-day is a month away and I still have so much to do.

*I love birthday parties.

*Actually, I love parties.

*And Edward Cullen (but you knew that, right?).

*I saw a photo of Jon and Kate's wedding today and I felt really sad for them. Damn it photo! I don't want to feel sad for them, but looking at them in that photo, I felt bad for the people in the photo who didn't know what was in their future.

*I still think Kate is a crazy beyotch and Jon a slacker though.

*Also, those houses in the show last night (Oh, hush up, you know you watched it too) were freaking adorable. And I want one. For me.

*Why is it considered cool for me to have a "man cave" but no one ever thinks to make a private room for women? I want my very own private room!

*The woman on 18 Kids and Counting has a terribly annoying voice. And really, how has her uterus not fallen out?

*Crap, now I'm thinking about her uterus. Ugh. Wait, let me think about Edward instead. Mmmmmmmm........Edward.

*In my head, I totally said that in Homer Simpson's voice.

*Oh! They gave me a pack of peanuts on the plane today. I know, right? And the package had a warning! Want to know what it was? Warning: May contain nuts. Who'd have guessed?

Okay, I'm tired and need some rest. Flying wipes me out. I don't know how people fly for business and go straight into a meeting. I would just lay my head on the conference table and sleep.

Head over to UnMom to check out all the awesome randomness.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Dear So and So

Dear So and So...

Have you ever read 3 Bedroom Bungalow to Let in Crazytown? If not, you should. She's funny. She's sponsoring "Dear So and So..." and I'm joining in.


Dear Angelina Joile,

I get it. You love children (what are you up to-25 now?). You work hard to help refugees (which is noble, and I'm all for). You have a gazillion dollars and Brad Pitt. You don't use a nanny (I'm not sure I'm buying that). You cook for your family. Blah, blah, blah. Do you HAVE to look so good all the time though? I really hate you for that. I think you're a home wrecker (that's right, I said it), but it's the fact that you always look good that makes me really dislike you though.

Enviously,
MIHH



Dear American Drivers,

LEARN. TO. DRIVE. The left lane is supposed to the fast lane. You do not need to come to a complete bloody stop to make a right hand turn from a four lane highway. You CAN actually do the speed limit. Or maybe even a few miles over! Also, get off your phone and drive.

Road Ragingly Yours,
MIHH



Dear Summer,

You don't even start for a few more days. Could you lay off and actually wait before taking over? It is so hot here it's ridiculous. I know you've got a big ego because everyone is always going on and on about how they love summer, but if you keep this oppressive heat up, everyone's love for you will wither up and die, just like many of the plants around here because it's so bloody hot and there has been no rain.

Staying Indoors,
MIHH



Dear Disney,
If you read my letter to Summer, you know how I feel about the heat. You have one of the best and most profitable business models in the world, meaning you're rich as Croesus. Please take some of that money and put a dome over WDW and air condition the whole thing. I'd like you so much more if I didn't sweat so much while visiting you during the warm months.

Too hot to love Mickey,
MIHH



Dear Germany,

Target. If you had them, you'd love them. You do not know what you're missing. Get with the program and get some Target stores. I know you all hated Wal-Mart and their business practices and ran them out of business (I applaud you for that), but I promise, Target is different. Give them a chance. It hurts me that you haven't yet.

Willing to boost your economy,
MIHH



Dear Target,

Please see above letter to Germany. Military spouses alone would seriously increase your profit margins.

Aching to shop your well organized stores,
MIHH



Dear Jonas Brothers,

I hate to say this, but I adore your cutie pie-ness. You're very fan friendly too and I appreciate that (on behalf of all the screaming teens and tweens). I like your style and wish boys across America would take some fashion advice from you. I'm sick of the slob look. Your semi-wholesome, yet hip look and bubble gum pop make me ridiculously happy. You may have even found your way onto my iPod.

Embarrassed,
MIHH



Dear commercials,

I thought I missed you. Turns out I don't. Commercials are annoying. Yes, the weird little things they put between shows on AFN are also annoying, but rarely do they gross me out (I'm looking at you Hardees/Carl's Jr.).

Annoyed and NOT yours,
MIHH



Dear Robert Pattinson Fans,

Leave the poor boy alone! He's NOT actually Edward Cullen (though we ALL wish he was). Stop attacking him. You're making us look bad. Plus, you're blocking my view.

Cougarishly,
MIHH




Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Random Tuesday!

Wheeee!  It is Tuesday, right?  Being on vacay and in a different time zone mixes up my days big time.  I’ve seen other RTT posts, so I’m going to assume that it is and go with it.

*My mom’s cuckoo clock is about 2 and half hours off, so it cuckoos the wrong hour at random times.  It does not help my confusion.

*I took 2 naps yesterday.  From 10-12 and then from 4-5:30.  I went to bed at 11 and woke up at 8 this morning.  Heaven.

*My mom’s dogs had puppies 3 weeks ago today (shih-tzu).  They are learning how to walk today.  It is so sweet it makes my teeth hurt.  I’m afraid of getting a cavity here.

*The only little girl puppy is missing her right rear hip joint.  Isn’t that odd? 

*Laundry sucks no matter what country or time zone you’re in.

*My feet are killing me.  In the past week, between touring DC and Disney, I’ve walked over 75 miles.

*I did NOT do it in heels.  I like my feet, and would like to keep them.

*Is it wrong that I was kind of thrilled when Prince Charming kissed my hand at dinner?

*Did you know Panama Hats are made in Ecuador?

*Americans suck at driving.  Oh, that’s right, I said it.  And I’ll say it again.  Americans suck at driving.  The left lane is for faster drivers.  Get over if you’re going to drive slow.  Also, coming to almost a complete stop to make a right hand turn?  Really?  AGHHHHHH!!!!

*I love Magnum PI.  I could watch it all day.  Higgins is the man!

*Conan O’Brian is not good on the Tonight Show.

*Ever since I posted about singing “I’m Just A Bill” on the Capitol steps yesterday, I’ve been singing it in my head.

*The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

*Engelbert Humperdink’s real name was Arnold Dorsey.  How on EARTH did he come up with Engelbert Humperdink? 

There’s some real randomness up there, huh?  For more random goodness, go check out the UnMom.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Fun with Ears

Sooooo…tired.  Can barely type.  But, I’m dedicated to you people, so I’ll push on.  I’ve just spent the last 5 days in Orlando at Disney with my mom, step-dad, Indy and my cousin’s daughter, the Laugher.  Heaven help me.  Indy and Laugher are two peas in a pod.   Yak, yak, yak.  Dance, dance, dance.  Giggle, giggle, giggle.  Quiet was only found when they finally dropped from sheer exhaustion and slept for a few hours.  Indy’s a sleep talker though, so occasionally I’d hear a crazy outburst from him in the middle of the night. 

We (and by we, I mean my mom) sprung for bit more this go round and got the new pirate themed rooms at Disney’s Caribbean Beach Resort.  Awesomeness is all I can say.  Big kudos to the money factory that is Disney!  These rooms were fun.  What grown up doesn’t secretly want to sleep in a bed shaped like a pirate ship?  None!  Who doesn’t want the carpeting in their room to look like the planks of a ship deck?  No one!  Dressers shaped like a stack of cargo boxes?  Yes, please! Mini-fridge tucked inside a barrel?  Fun!  You couldn’t not like this room.

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See?  Isn’t that cool?  The bathroom was behind the curtain and carried the theme.  There was a Flying Dutchman (Davey Jones’ ship) carved into the marble of the shower wall.  Indy thought that was neat.  Oh, want to see Indy’s reaction to it?

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As you can see, he really liked it.  Here are a few photos of our very tiring, very hot, very noisy trip.

 

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The dinner with Cinderella and Prince Charming was one of our favorite things.  We did a total of 5 character meals, but this one was spectacular.  I have to say though, the step-mother and step-sisters were my favorites though.  They were hilarious.

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I think these ladies have the best job in WDW because they get to be grumpy and loud.  We had a late dinner and at 9:30 they were getting ready to leave.  One of the servers came by our table to make sure we had seen them all before they left.  Lady Tremaine (step-mother) was right behind him and quipped that they had seen her and she was the only one that mattered anyway.  When I grow up I want to be Lady Tremaine (without the bad ending).

I have a total of about 600 pictures from the trip, but these are some of my faves.  I hope you enjoyed them.  And now I’m off for some rest from my vacation.  :)

Monday, June 15, 2009

I'm just a bill

I can't believe I forgot to post this in my previous entry! After we went to Arlington, we took the metro back to the Mall area, and got off at the capitol stop. We hauled ourselves in the incredible heat (good grief, it was hot) to the steps of the Capitol, where we sat and sang the School House Rock Song "I'm just a Bill" over and over. Do you remember that song?

I'm just a bill
Yes, I'm only a bill
And if they vote for me on Capitol Hill
Well, then I'm off to the White House
Where I'll wait in a line
With a lot of other bills
For the president to sign
And if he signs me, then I'll be a law.
How I hope and pray that he will,
But today I am still just a bill.

For some reason I can't get the photos to upload, but I'm sure you can picture it in your head. Scared tourists, curious looks from the guards, and us sitting on the steps singing. Good times.



Monday, June 8, 2009

A “Capitol” Weekend

I’ve spent the weekend in DC with M.  It’s hot.  Not just hot, but HOT.  I swear I’m melting.  We took the metro down to the Mall this weekend and wandered around the Mall, monuments and museums. 

I have to say, the Mall is a mess.  A mess!  You’d think it would be lush green grass manicured within an inch of its life, but no.  It is a hot mess.  Full of weeds, a jumble of different grasses, pits, gouges, puddles and badly in need of grooming.  It was sad.  This is our National Mall!  It looks okay from a distance, but up close it’s a national embarrassment. Sheesh.  Obama needs to put in a call to the folks at Disney.  They know how to keep a lawn!

Look at this.  A disgrace!

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DC does have a great metro though.  Check out this cool shot:

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M and I went to the Castle of the Smithsonian and right in the center, they have the “pile of loot” (that’s totally what they label it BTW) from the NATM2 movie.  It made me laugh.

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The Museum of Natural History was wonderful!  There was so much to see!  Dinosaurs and elephants and whales (oh my!).  They also had a butterfly house that I desperately wanted to go into.  M was not keen on it because it was a whopping $6 per person to get in.  When you consider the museum itself is free, that’s not too bad.  I wish a few other museums (I’m looking at you, Chicago) were as reasonable.  I batted my eyes, and said pretty please and he caved and shelled out the money.  We stood at the entry, M looking bored and annoyed and me having visions of twirling in a fancy dress, singing a song and having butterflies land on my finger and make a crown on my head.  Don’t ask me where the dress was supposed to come from or mind the fact that I can’t sing.  In my head it was fantastic!  I was like one of the Disney princesses that animals are naturally attracted to and want to do stuff for (you know, like cleaning and sewing and whatnot).  They can only let a few people in at a time, so we waited and I fantasized.  THEN!  The frosted doors to the entry chamber opened and beyond, I could see through the clear glass doors flowers and butterflies everywhere!  It was magnificent!  Gorgeous!  The lady gave a quick run down of does and don’ts (Do take photos and let the butterflies land on you.  Don’t step on them or try to pick them up).I was ready to twirl and break out into song when the clear doors opened and whoosh….it was HOT!  OMG, like knock the breath out of you hot.  My visions of twirling and singing and butterfly crowns crumpled to the floor like a butterfly with a broken wing.  WHAT WAS GOING ON?  WHY was is so freaking hot?  I could not breathe.  I stayed as long as I could, and even had a few butterflies land on me (squeeeeee!), but after about 10 minutes of mind numbing heat and humidity, I was done.  Done.  I told M I couldn’t take the heat any more and was ready to go and he told me he wanted to stay and take take photos and would meet me outside in the museum!  Can you believe it?  Irony.  He did take some lovely photos though.

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After we had our fill of natural history, we decided to go take a peek at American history and walked over the the American History Museum.  It has recently reopened after “extensive” renovations and honestly, we found it sorely disappointing!  M and I had both been there in the past (at different times) and remembered a very different set up.  The exhibits were hard to get to and half the stuff we saw in the past wasn’t on display.  Where was Fonzie’s jacket?  I couldn’t even get a photo of Indiana Jones’ real jacket for Indy.  Boo!  We did find the ruby slippers and Archie Bunker’s chair, but we wanted to see more!  The First Lady’s exhibit (which I saw in the past and is FABULOUS) was impossible to get into unless you wanted to wait in line for an hour.  In the past, you could just walk through and wander around (like a museum should be), but now they herd you through the exhibits like cattle. You can’t even stop to look at things because you have to keep the line moving?  WHAT UP?  I’m an American!  That is MY museum!  I should get to wander around all I want and look at my leisure.  Seeing the recently restored Star Spangled Banner was kind of nice, but again, they herded us along so we couldn’t really appreciate the beauty of the flag that inspired our national anthem.  Boo, American History Museum, I say.  Boo!

After that, we walked about a billion miles (okay, not really, but it was really hot so it felt like a billion) to the Washington, Lincoln and war memorials.  If you’ve recently seen the new Night at the Museum movie, you’ll note that it looks like they walked straight from the castle to the Lincoln memorial.  Well, let me tell you, they did NOT.  They’d have to be running full tilt for a good 20 minutes to make it there as quickly as they did.  LIARS!

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We also stopped by the WWII Memorial, which is beautiful!  It was the 65th anniversary of D-Day and there were so many vets there.  These are obviously not young men, but they traveled from all over the country to be at the memorial to mark the day that they changed the world and lost so many of their friends.  They were all wearing bright yellow t-shirts that said they were vets, so they were easy to spot.  M and I shook as many hands as we could and thanked them for their sacrifices.  It was very moving.

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We walked over to the White House, but Obama was not there.  How rude.  Honestly, if someone were to show up at my house just to see me and I wasn’t home,  I’d be mortified.  He should have invited us to dinner, but no, he was in France.  I’m going to have to send him a strongly worded message.  :)

This is the Boy Scout memorial.  We want to know why there is a naked man at the the memorial.  I’m sure there’s some classical, philosophical reason, but it looks….well odd.

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After that, we were exhausted and made our way back to the Metro and to the hotel.  The next day we went to Arlington, which was  overwhelming.  The sheer number of graves is breathtaking.  The Tomb of the Unknown Soldiers and changing of the guard is something everyone should see.  There were so many people there, but you could have heard a pin drop. 

Now that I’ve told you about my trip, I’m going to hop up on my soap box.  Did you know that there is not a WWI memorial in DC?  There is a small, very sad, very neglected memorial to the soldiers from DC who fought in WWI, but not a national monument.  I have to say, I’m outraged.  Outraged.  WWI was the first real war of the modern area and changed our world forever. 6 of every 10 soldiers in WWI were drafted.  These were men who fought weapons they couldn’t even have conceived of at the time.  They fought for honor and glory and died on the battlefields of Europe.  These were young, idealistic men who fought for patriotism and honor, and we have not, in the nearly 100 years since, seen fit to properly memorialize them.  We need a national monument.  I’m going to start a campaign about this.  I’ll post more on that at another time.  Until then, I’m off to Orlando and all the fun I can stand with a set of mouse ears.  I’ll see you all later.

Friday, June 5, 2009

On the move!

Hola, my peeps! I am blogging from Houston Bush Int'l Airport! They have no WiFi (WHAT?????) but a really nice lady offered me the use of her wireless card thingy so I could hook up and say hey to all of you lovelies.
I am on my way to Baltimore where M will pick me up and wisk me off to a 4 star hotel the Army is paying for while he is in some school. That we can't talk about. Someties his job is very frustrating for me because he can't tell me anything about it. Here's a typical conversation over dinner:
Me: So, how was your day?
M: Good.
Me: Anything exciting happen?
M: A little.
Me: What?
M: I can't tell you.
Me: I swear I won't tell!
M: Nope.
Me: Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase.
M: Nope. You'd end up blogging about it.
Me: No! I would never.
M: [giving me the look]
Me: I swear.
M: Nope.

Wouldn't that drive you batty?
Anyway, he's in DC and since the gov't is paying for it, I'm going to spend the weekend checking out our national treasures (you know, and shopping).
From there I will fly to Orlando and spend a few days in WDW with my mom, step-dad, Indy and my cousin's 8 year old daughter. Neither of them know where they are going. How cool is that?
Well, I guess I'd better give the card back. Can you believe Houston doesn't have WiFi? Seriously? Okay, I've always wanted to say this, so here goes: Houston, we have a problem. Bwahahahahahahaha! I kill myself. Also, I'm still jet lagged.
I'll see you all in DC!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Random Thoughts Tuesday: Jet Lag Edition

I'm so tired I can't even bother to go find the icon for this. Sorry UnMom.

*Is it really Tuesday? Cause I'm confuzzeled. <---Totally a word.

*America is big.

*And Loud.

*There are waaaaaaay to many TV channels. I can't even scroll through them all with out getting a headache.

*Typing on an unfamiliar computer is hard. My mom's laptop is set up differently than mine and I keep making serious typing mistakes. It's annoying to have to fix them all.

*Oh how I've missed you Brian Williams! I disliked you when you took over from Tom Brokaw, but now I like you. And your oddly downsloped eyebrows that make you look like you're either sad or confused.

*TARGET! I went there today. For 3 hours. I think the employees thought I was planning a heist. I love you Target!!!!!!! LOVE. YOU. Forever. Amen.

*If you've never been to a SuperTarget, I feel sad for you.

*I hate to fly.

*Would it kill the airlines to take out a few seats so a person can have some leg room? I'm not even tall (why aren't I tall? I want to be tall!) and I had no leg room. Stupid cheap airlines packing people in like Sardines. Didn't you get some sort of bailout? Use it to make things more comfy.

*$5 for headsets? Really? Come ON!

*Why don't I ever get an upgrade? I deserve to fly first class!

*I need more money.

*And sleep.

*Jet lag, you suck!

That is all. For now.



Monday, June 1, 2009

Blogging from the New World

Hello! We have sucessfully completed the longest leg of our journey (9 and a half hours from Frankfurt to Charlotte) and are now relaxing in the USO sipping on a Jamba Juice. God Bless America! Yes, we're loopy. Yes, we're tired. Yes, we still have another 3 hours before our next flight (which is 2 hours), but we've made it past the big one and came through it relatively unscathed. The hardest part was immigration when we got to the US. Good heavens! It took more than an hour (AN HOUR, I tell you) to get through immigration. Ridiculous. I'm a citizen! Where's my fast pass? Immigration could take a lesson from Disney and make a special Fast Pass lane. How awesome would that be? If you have a passport with a smart chip (which we do), you scan it and poof, you're done. No waiting in lines of cranky people who have foreign country and airplane funk all over them (if you've traveled internationally, you know what I'm talking about). Just swipe and go. Man, I need to patent that. Don't go stealing my ideas US gov't! I want my props on this idea. And by props I mean money. Lots of it.
Well, not I have to go do something about my insane hair. One good thing about having to go through customs and then recheck your luggage is that you can get into it and pull out your flat iron. Cause my hair is scary. Scary.
OMG, I think I just had a bolt of jet lag shoot through my body. I seriously swayed at the keyboard. This cannot be good.


Sunday, May 31, 2009

Tchuβ!

That’s the informal version of goodbye in  German.  It’s pronounced “choo-ss” (in case you were wondering, which you probably weren’t but now if it ever comes up on Jeopardy!  you can shout it at the TV and feel smarter than Ken What’s-his-face).  IN English, it’s spelled Tchuss.  Why tchuss, you ask?  Because Indy and I are headed to the good old US of A tomorrow!  For a month!  Holy cow.  We have a 9 hour flight, a 5 hour layover and another 2 hour flight.  I may have to consume an alcoholic beverage or two on the flight.  I know they’re bad for me (you know, dehydration and whatnot), but if you’ve ever spent 9 hours on a plane with a very chatty 6 year old, you’d understand.  Plus, drinks are free on trans-Atlantic flights.

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Have I finished packing?  Nope.  I’m trying (really hard) to put everything into one suitcase because we’re taking the train to Frankfurt and I don’t want to have to lug too much through the terminals (we have to change trains once), but it’s just not working.  Where do I pack all my shoes?  Speaking of shoes, I bought some GORGEOUS shoes yesterday.  They are acid green satin tennis shoes with about a 3 inch spike heel.  I almost drooled when I saw them.  They spoke to me.  “Mom in High Heels!”  They called. “You know you want us!  Look how cool we are.  Look how unusual we are.  Come to us.  Try us on.  You know you want to.  Resistance is futile”   First off, how they knew my blog name is beyond me, but I really did have to have them.   I tried them on.  I loved them.  They came home with me.  Now I just have to figure out how to get them in my luggage.

I’ll see you all on the other side of the pond.  Have a lovely Monday.

Oh, and for those of you who commented on my previous post, I want to say thanks for your warm wishes and concern for my health.  I’m sure I’ll be full of iron and pip soon. 

Tchuβ!