P.S.

Clearly I did not write enough letters for Friday's Dear So and So. I'll be adding a PS this week.

Dear GPS,
I will never, ever, ever take you for granted again. Seriously. I had to drive the streets of Chicago with written directions! Written! I felt like I was living in the stone age. I just needed Barney to hop in the car and help me push with his feet.
I'm amazed that we got anywhere before the GPS. I now bow down to the awesomeness that is my GPS and promise to never (okay, maybe occasionally, let's keep it real) gripe again about how you often take me on crazy routes or the fact that you don't have the exact street number I'm looking for. It's probably the manufacturer's fault anyway.
I did in fact survive the drive (as evidenced by the fact that I'm typing these letters) and did not get lost, but I do NOT want to do it again. Who knew street signs were so hard to see?

Directionally Yours,
MIHH


Dear idiots who run the airports,

No free WiFi? Are you kidding me? I am so not giving my cc number to a site called boing boing (whoever thought that up should be smacked soundly about the head and shoulders-possibly with a wet noodle) so I can surf the web while I wait. $9.95 per airport? Um, no.

Cheaply,
MIHH


Dear people on the plane who turn their phones on immediately upon landing,

Are you really that important? REALLY? Couldn't it wait until we deplaned (one of the coolest words ever)? I do not need to overhear you telling your friend/coworker/significant other how you almost hurled during take off. Honestly, I could go all day without thinking about that. Please, do us all a favor and just wait until we've deplaned (twice in one post!).

Sickened,
MIHH


Dear really wired guy on my plane,

Do you honestly need 2 blackberries, a phone AND an iPhone? I'm sure you think it makes you look uber cool, but trust me, it does not. It makes you look like a tool. Actually, you are a tool. Accept it. Also, when you turn on all of your wireless thingies, you might think about turning the sound off on the buttons, because I came perilously close to grabbing it out of your hand and hurling it down the aisle. Beep, beep, beepity, beep, beep, beep for 10 minutes is ANNOYING. I know you had to check the hundreds of super important messages face book sent you regarding comments on your status (Getting on a plane), but for the love of all that is holy, turn off the freaking sound on the buttons before I turn into a raving madwoman and shove it so far up a certain orifice that your teeth will vibrate when it rings. From all the eye rolling and heavy sighing pointed in his direction I could tell I was not the only one annoyed by this.

Courteously,
MIHH


Dear Atlanta Hartsfield International Airport,

Bite Me. I hate you.

Affectionately,
MIHH


Dear people who elect not to bathe before flying,

I hate you. Everyone on the plane hates you. We look at you that way because you smell. If you showered, we'd probably all be smiling at you. Well, maybe not. We are flying after all and no one is happy when they fly unless they've had a few cocktails, but at least we wouldn't be giving you the evil eye.
If you happen to sit next to me, please do not be offended if I whip out a small bottle of perfume and begin spraying it in your general direction. And I won't even wait until you're asleep like my friend B did on the flight back from Ireland. I nearly cried I was laughing so hard when she told me this story. I will never be able to look at a bottle of Clinique Happy again without thinking of her spraying down an unsuspecting man on an airplane. Awesome. I use Philosophy's Amazing Grace, so be prepared to smell super pretty should you sit by me. I get lots of compliments on how nice I smell, so you should feel priviledged. It would be better for eveyone though if you just showered.

Sweetly,
MIHH

Oh man, do I feel better! I cannot thank Kat enough for this. I don't have enough to make a full blog post, but by putting my thoughts into letter form I can get them all in at once. Seriously, I cannot wait until next Friday when I can dump all my other complaints!