I have been looking forward to this day all week and now I can't remember a single gripe I had. Drat. Let me think. Oh, yeah, I've got plenty just from yesterday and this morning! Here we go!
Dear TV/Radio Stations, Newspapers, Media-in-general,
Yes, it is very sad that Michael Jackson passed away. He was a great artist. He sold a gazillion records (maybe I should call them albums since they're not really records anymore?). He had a wacky, weird life. However, my world will NOT change and I don't need to watch/hear/read 24 hour coverage of how sad the "real" fans are. Could we please find something else to talk about? Like, oh, I don't know, maybe North Korea? Soldiers dying in Iraq and Afghanistan? Iran? I'm just sayin.
Dear John Mayer,
A major strand of our cultural DNA has left us? Ugh. You are a tool. I'm glad you and Jen are no longer.
Dear hangers-on, former celebs, and wanna-be's,
Please crawl back to the underbelly from whence you came. Michael Jackson's death is not your opportunity to be on TV/radio expounding on how much you loved him/how well you knew him even though you hadn't talked in X number of year/how close you were to the family. You are tools as well. Go away.
Dear Farrah Fawcett,
I feel bad that your passing has been eclipsed and you are not getting the kind of attention you would have had MJ not passed on the same day.
Dear Peanut Butter commercials,
Please stop making me feel bad because I don't have those "special" moments over a PB&J sandwich. I realize that PB&J is a huge part of the average kid's diet (though Indy hates Jelly), but it is possible to bond over something other than food. Also, you're still advocating white bread? Really? Have you looked at the average overweight child lately?
Peanut Butter hater,
You KNOW that sinfully delicious 10 layer dark chocolate cake with raspberry coulis is not good for you. KNOW IT. Please stop craving it. It will go straight to the hips/ass area and no one wants that. I don't care how good it is, it's not worth the 800 hours on treadmill it will take to work it off (along will all the chocolate cake that currently resides there). I cut my hair off because it was annoying me and not behaving. Take that as a lesson.
Dear Rhode Island,
You're seriously thinking of changing your name? Do your politicians have nothing better to do with their time than work on pushing through a bill that that is undoubtedly using up thousands of tax payer dollars and no one really cares about? Just because your full name has the word "plantations" in it (did you know that reader? It is officially the State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations) does not mean it evokes thoughts of slavery. Good grief. Learn your own freaking history.
Thank you so much for starting this. It's very cathartic. I am insanely jealous though that you're too busy roaming the English country side to participate.
Ahhhhhh, I feel much better! Don't you? Hop on over to 3 Bedroom Bungalow and read all the letters.