The journey of a thousand miles begins with...the perfect pair of shoes.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Dear So and So: I've got a lot to say

Dear So and So...

If you read my previous post, you know I'm feeling grumpy. The PERFECT time for a Dear So and So. Thank you Kat!

Dear stupid government,

It p!sses me off so much that because of red tape and bureaucracy that Indy can't collect for Haiti. Something so pure and simple shouldn't get bogged down in paperwork. I hate that I had to explain to Indy that sometimes the gov't can make things far more difficult than they have to be. Watching my little boy cry because he can't raise money for the people he sees in pain on TV was hard for me and made me hate my gov't just a little.


Dear lady in Aldi,

Look, I sympathize with you. Keeping a toddler happy while grocery shopping is difficult at best. However the solution is NOT to hand that screaming child a package of raw hamburger. I don't know, it's Germany, it might not have been hamburger, but still. Raw. Meat. Now I know that it is inside one of those weird German plastic packages that you practically need a degree and a tool set to open, but as you found out, kids are bloody geniuses at cracking open the impossible. Your toddler's hands covered in ground meat nearly sent me (and everyone within throwing range) over the edge. I know it's hard to shop when your little one is screaming, but seriously do not cave and hand over raw meat.


Dear teenage girls,

WHY do we have to keep going over this? It. Is. Cold. Put. Some. Damn. Clothes. On. I hope that wasn't too many words for you. Maybe thextese will be simpler: 411 Brrr. Clths On. U lk SSINF.


Dear American Idol,

I have mixed feelings about your return. I'm kind of over you, but like a train wreck, I can't look away. I know it's for entertainment value, but all those deluded people you let into the room? Stop doing that. It's old. We ALL know they have to go through several auditions to get to that point. Don't give the people hope just so they can freak out when the judges tell them they can't sing. If you want to let Pants on the Ground guy Larry Platt (a civil rights hero) back on, I would watch him. Because he was awesome. And his song is amazing and incredibly relevant.

Still watching (and hating myself for it),

Dear obnoxious Americans in the Spanish restaurant,

One of the things we noticed (including Indy) when we visited the States this past summer was how loud restaurants are. Seriously, it's deafening. In Europe (or at least Germany and France), people are quiet when they eat. That's not to say they don't talk, they're just quiet and respect the other diners. You did not. When we arrived at the restaurant at the unfashionably early hour of 7pm, it was deserted and we were okay with that. We ordered, chatted about Spain (we studied Spain this week and considered this a field trip-man I love homeschooling) and enjoyed our Tapas. Around 7:45 you arrived in all your loud American glory. A few other Europeans arrived within 15 or so minutes of you (we knew they were European because they were quiet and all about 12 feet tall-damn those strong genes). We actually felt sorry for them for having to sit near you. Yes, I know you were there to have a good time (there were 6 adults), and I'm okay with that, but take the volume down just a few notches. Everyone in the restaurant is not interested in what you have to say. Trust me. Also, to the mom (we heard one of the younger women call you that), you may sound like Paula Deen, but you talk like a salty old sailor. Holy cow. Mr. HH and I exchanged many a glance over your vocabulary during our paella. The word 'dick' or the sentence 'oh, he's such a dick' is not really polite dinner conversation. Especially if every diner in the entire restaurant can hear you.

Embarrassed for you and my fellow Americans,

Wow, I feel so much better. Well not really. I'm so full of paella I could burst. Thanks for listening and don't forget to click the Hope for Haiti button up there ^^^^^


satakieli said...

I'm sorry but WTF?! at the lady in Aldi! I don't give Mikey packages to play with when we're grocery shopping for that very reason, but raw meat?! ack!

(Actually it also drives me crazy when I see people open stuff they haven't paid for yet to feed their kid while grocery shopping, bring some damned snacks with you!)

I never thought i was a particularly strict parent, but apparently I am, haha.

Sarah said...

I'm really struggling to understand what place a mother's head would have to be in to hand over a packet of raw meat to a toddler.

My son had baby insomnia for six years so I get the tiredness and "brain missing in action" issue...but raw meat ?

Sarah, also home educating in high heels, in Italy.

C N Heidelberg said...

Right on with the restaurant. My first restaurant experiences on my last trip back to the US were beyond overwhelming. The noise is intolerable and usually there's crazy-loud music playing over the top of all the screaming. Augh!

The Mommyologist said...

I about passed out at the raw meat thing!!! Who DOES something like that?

Crazy Shenanigans said...

I'm right there with you on the American Idol!

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

Raw meat?! Seriously??! I've been known to hand over some crackers or a lollipop, but never ever raw meat. Eww!

Melissa Miller said...

Oh my goodness girl this post is so awesome! I enjoyed reading it.

Thank you so much for your kind words about my new healthy life! They meant the world to me.

Many blessings to you. ~Melissa :)

Captain Dumbass said...

Maybe the toddler in Aldi was a werewolf? You never know.

Mike said...

Hilarious! I have two nieces and your clothing rant hit it right on the head! Funny stuff!

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

Here's my problem. The day after Thanksgiving (if we are home), I tear through my house to get Christmas up b/c Natalie's bday party is always the first weekend in December, which means I also have to decorate/plan for that.

Then, of course, is Christmas shopping and other decorating. Then, take down Christmas and Michaela Byrd's bday is Jan. 4th. We waited til the 16th this year to do the party and I'm still a little tired....

I actually wouldn't mind doing a bit more in terms of the details for the parties, but I am just too pooped. Having two kids with bdays so close to Christmas is just crazy. Maybe I'll tell them their bdays are in March and May. ;)

You know the funny thing? We actually do know a family named Jones who goes ALL OUT for their sons' parties. Like, hundreds of dollars spent...those are the Joneses I can't (and don't want to) keep up with. ;)

tattytiara said...

I am glad I wasn't there to witness it first hand, but I've about split both my sides laughing at the idea of giving a baby raw meat to play with!

KimAustin said...

Hi Girl, am in KC this week. Will send you an email, I promise to update you! Great stories today; I remember the same kind of restaurant happenings when I was there. Just wear German clothes and you will fit in and nobody will know that you aren't German!

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