Dear So and So: How I've missed you

It's been too long! I've missed ranting and raving politely discussing my grievances with my good friends (you guys). Settle in. I've got stuff to say.

Dear Paris,

I love you. LOVE you. With rainbow sprinkles and pink puffy hearts. If you were a vampire, you'd be Edward Cullen. If you were the "Sexiest Man Alive" you'd totally be Johnny Depp. This is how much I love you. I love the weird people, the metro, the food, the shopping and the sites. What I do not love though, is driving through you. You have roads with no effing lanes. No lanes! What is up with that? People need lanes to know where to drive. And roundabouts! Oh, how I hate your roundabouts. Yes, I know they're insanely popular in Europe (why? I don't get the appeal), but a roundabout with 10 different roads coming off it AND no lanes? It's bloody insane. I don't know how there aren't mass casualties on a daily basis. Also, what's with the super tiny road signs on a building? Do you not realize they now make bigger signs that can actually go near the light so people know what road they're on? There is a reason I usually take the train.

White knuckled,
MIHH


Dear Bank,

Why is it that every freaking time we go away on a trip, you freeze my account when we get back to Heidelberg? If you're so concerned that someone might be using my card (you do know I live in Europe and travel as much as possible, right?), wouldn't it be more prudent to contact me (you have my cell number, use it) and ask? It's really annoying to go to the commissary and have my card denied, even though I know there's money in the account. I then have to call you on my cell (do you know how expensive it is for me to call the States from my cell?) and tell you that, yes, I still have my card, and would you please unlock it so I can buy food to feed Indy before he starves to death. What a PITA. And, in my opinion, if you're going to lock down my card because of all the charges in a foreign country (again, I live in Europe in case you forgot), it would seem to be more prudent to do so at the first sign of unusual activity instead of something so mundane as buying groceries.

Annoyed and apparently poor,
MIHH


Dear teenage girls,

It's 17 degrees and snowing outside. You do not need to look "sexy." Go inside and put some damn clothes on.

Shivering in my 5 layers,
MIHH



Dear snowplows,

You're loud. Please come back at a more reasonable hour. I'm trying to watch Glee.

Irritated (but singing awesome songs in my head),
MIHH


Dear Christmas gifts,

I love pretty packaging. I adore beautifully wrapped presents. I like for my gifts to be so pretty that they look almost too good to open. It seems shallow, but it just makes me happy to see the recipient ooh and ahh over the exterior. Tonight though, I do not feel like wrapping you. I look at you all and think how much work it is to make you so pretty. Sitting on the floor for half an hour just to get you covered, not even in the "pretty" state yet, does sound like fun. If you could just do me a favor and at least get the first layer on, I'd really appreciate it.

Tired,
MIHH

PS. I blame my mom for the overwhelming amount of gifts I have to wrap.

Dear Mr. HH,

I'm so proud of you for getting promoted today. You've worked hard and this is a sign of how good you are at...whatever it is you do. Try not to forget though, that I still, and always will outrank you.

Kisses,
MIHH (but you can call my by my real name)