Dear germs that are currently keeping me on the sofa,
I don't know if you're flu germs (though I did get the flu mist and shouldn't be bothered by you) or just some nasty little cold germs that jumped from Indy to me. I don't care. I don't like you, and I'd like you to leave. I realize my body is tempting (Mr. HH says so, thus making me believe it must be true, though he could have ulterior motives, who knows?). It's all warm and functioning and what not and I understand why you might want to invade (wow, this sounds so dirty), but you are really not welcome. Having a sore throat is so less than fun. And the whole freezing one minute and sweating like a big burly man the next? I am so not enjoying that. Please be aware that I will be dosing myself with medications, vitamin c, gargling with salt water as often as possible and sending serious signals to my white blood cells to track you down. This will cause you no end of distress. If you leave now though, we can avoid all of that unpleasantness. While I don't wish you on anyone else, you need to go find a new home. Consider this your eviction notice. You need to vacate the premises STASAP (sooner than as soon as possible). Got it?
Seriously (don't make me break out the good drugs),