Dear Dear So and So,
I am so sorry I missed you last week. I was so busy getting things together for TBDPBWAFPWBM. I missed you though. So much. You have no idea.
Dear German Guy in the car behind me,
I realize we're on the autobahn (big fan of those BTW), but when I'm doing a smidge over 100mph I'd appreciate it if you backed off a wee bit. Really, you were close enough to practically see the map on my GPS. If I could have moved over and let you around me, I would have, gladly, however you might have noticed the log jam of semis or lorries or whatever you call them in German, in the left lane preventing me from doing so. Also, making crazy hand gestures does not entice me to drive any faster. It amuses me to no end, don't get me wrong, but I'm not going to speed up. The car in front of me (approximately 2 car lengths in front of me, you might note) might not appreciate me crawling up their behind.
Pedal to the metal,
My darling, I understand that you are not in camp this week and that every single freaking on of your friends is gone to some cool locale for the week (London, Rome, Colmar, Garmisch, and Vicenza), and that we aren't schooling yet, so there is little to occupy your mind, but telling me every 10 minutes that you are bored is not helping anyone. You just had a huge party and got loads of presents. Some that haven't even been opened yet. How can you be bored? I've played the Akator Temple game, Old Mummy, Trouble, and Go Fish so much my eyes are bleeding. I'm sorry but I can't do it anymore. It might look really bad if mommy started drinking too early in the day, which is exactly what would happen if I have to play one of those again. Can't you please just wait until Monday when we start school again? I promise you'll have plenty to do. Until then, cut Mommy some slack, okay?
Wondering how long before your father comes home,
Dear Personal Trainer,
I think you're trying to kill me. There's not a single muscle in my body that doesn't ache. It's terrible. I know this is supposed to be good for me (and for your sake it had better be-though you could totally take me, unless I sit on your teeny tiny little self andshove donuts down your throat), but why does it have to hurt so freaking much? Huh? Huh? Can you be pleased with 10 or 15 reps of something? Do I really need to do 3 sets of reps? Do you know how much it hurts? Probably not because you've never been out of shape in your whole life. Well, let me tell you, it hurts a lot. A lot, a lot. And you're talking about "taking me up the mountain" this week? Are you nuts? You know that to even get to the steps on the mountain, you have to go through a crazy amount of switchbacks and then 500+ steps, right? Have you taken a good look at me? You know how very out of shape I am, right? So what on earth makes you think I can "do the mountain?" Cause I'm not seeing it. Unless you really are trying to kill me and this is merely the last part of your plan. If it is, please just make it quick. That hour long yoga class you taught on Wednesday was torturous. Have you heard of'child's pose? It's what I like to go to about every 10 or so minutes to rest my poor aching muscles. You should look into using it a wee bit more. Everyone in the class (except for the guy who did the headstand-showoff) left dripping with sweat and knowing that we were so going to hurt the next day. You're like a crazy little fitness powerhouse. Please, don't kill me. And if you do, make it quick.
Pained but hopefully getting in shape,
I know my books are late. Believe me, I know. Please, for the love of all that is holy, stop sending me reminders via email every 20 minutes. I promise I will return your books as soon as I can get over there. I appreciate that you don't charge late fees (boy would I be in trouble if they did), but telling me that my privileges are suspended until I return the books is not that big of a threat. I mean, if I'm coming to the library, I'm likely going to bring them with me. It's not like I'm going to come to the library without the books and try to check something else out. You'll get your books soon, just stop with all the emails.
Tardy and annoyed,
Dear News Media,
Are we still on the Michael Jackson thing? Still? Is there nothing else in the whole world you can report on?
Watching other stuff,
Dear John Hughes,
You made some of my all time favorite movies. Thanks for the laughs, good times and tears. I still think you set up my generation for disappointment with the big party scenes (I've never seen one party like those in your movies), but I enjoyed watching them. Rest in Peace.
Dear New Moon,
Would you hurry up and get released already?
Um, where are the rest of the photos of the party you promised to post? People are wanting to see them and they too want to know why you haven't posted them. I know it sometimes takes blogger forever to upload photos, but get on with it already.
Ahhhhhh, I feel so much better! Don't you? No? Then go write your own letters. Stop by Kat's to check out all the other letters. BTW, anyone know what the reference in the post title is? Sadly, it is not Twilight....mmmmmm.....Edward.
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